I'm doing something I don't often do, breaking my own rule, and posting on the Team Tinsley blog. I'll give myself a pass though, because I'm doing it for posterity. For the Buck Rogers future. And. Probably most important, this letter closes a loop on this here blog.
Context. Boy #1 is entering the final weeks of his Confirmation Class at AUMC. This past weekend we had a retreat for the class (I'm both a teacher of the class and a parent obviously) and we were asked to write a letter to our children with what we wanted for them.
Below our my words. Horrifying to some I'm sure, but 100% true, and from the heart.
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April 25, 2014
Boy, Your journey to what
will be now, your Confirmation Retreat, started on February 15, 2005. You were just a month past your 3rd
birthday (as you know I documented much of your early years on the Team Tinsley
BLOG which is why I know the date.) Not
sure if you recall your love of Fear Factor at that tender age, but I can
remember us watching it side by side in the big leather chair that used to sit
next to the fireplace. Now, we wouldn’t
fit in that chair which makes me a little sad for reasons that I’m sure are
hard for you to fathom. I’ve included the Fear Factor story with this letter if you want to read it.
If you do read it you’ll
realize that it has been very important to me to
expose you to a faith base because of my fucked up background with religion
(side note: you want to bet that your letter is the only one with the F word in
it? You should do a poll with your brothers
and sisters.*)
My point. The brand of Christianity that was shoved
down my throat in my youth was very flawed in my opinion. We’re talking Jake’s God 3 x10.** This coupled with my black and white,
borderline OCD personality traits caused me a lot of hurt that I didn’t always
express. I was scared of religion. Hell, I was scared of God (3) and his son
Jesus, because if you said fuck, like I did earlier in this letter, I was going
to hell. And hell was a very real place
to those that were preaching to me.
It took me a long time to
get over this, even after I no longer believed it. I closed my heart to it. Which isn’t a good way to live you life
regardless of what you believe.
So, what do you
believe? That’s the beauty of
Confirmation and AUMC. It’s really up to
you. I won’t lie. I do want you to continue on with AUMC as a
strong solid faith base, which I think will serve you well. I think being part of the Youth program, is
good. Going to church and being a part
of that community is good. But at the
end of the day all I really care about are a few things.
I want you to be happy. And. I want you to do as much good as you
can.
There’s a really simply way
to do this too. Follow the golden
rule. Regardless of your faith, what you
believe, etc. If everyone just did onto
others… the world would be a far better place.
You’re a good boy,
Ethan. I have faith that you’ll always
do good. And please pay attention to the
‘do’ part of that statement. I didn’t
say be good. You’re human. You’re going to mess up and do
shit you end up regretting. And that’s
ok. I will always love you. Be there for you. Support you. Your Mom and I truly are your biggest fans
and want nothing but happiness for you.
My wish for you is that you can find a way in the world to do as much
good as you can do, and be happy as you do it.
To be honest (and this could get me fired as a youth counselor and
confirmation teacher***) I don’t care if you’re a Buddhist, Methodist, Baptist,
Muslim, or go rogue and worship Django the Monkey god**** who died eating a taco
(and you decide to wear a taco around your neck like a crucifix.) You should explore what you believe. Ask questions. Listen to your heart. As you go through life, the way you feel about things will change based on your experiences. The context of your life. Your thoughts will change. And that’s ok. With Methodism and AUMC as a faith base,
you’ll always have that foundation to support you. It’s your stock answer****** I know. But the answer really is LOVE. And for many people Jesus is the embodiment
of that love.
I love you Boy. And want you to be the best Ethan Gentry
Tinsley you can be.
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Glossary of Boy #1 and Dad Inside Jokes and References...
*The Boy's fellow confirmands are often referred to as his brothers and sisters (in Christ, which isn't often said, just 'your brothers and sisters' and it creeps him out, hard. I'm messing with him is the point, because that's how I roll.
**God 3 is a touchstone from our class. Again, I'm one of the two teachers and was teaching alone that day when we were going over how people believe in God vs. how Methodists tend to believe. There was a play, and there were three Gods (not in the Trinity sense.) The three versions were more how people viewed God...example. God please let me (insert your favorite sporting team) win the big game and I'll do (inset what you'd do.) One of the three Gods, was Old Testament with a Kung Fu Grip God. Smite you. Played by Jake P. in our class, who did such an awesome job I'll never be able to think of a vengeful God without thinking of Jake and God #3 (which is most often the God I heard about growing up in Oklahoma and freaked me out, hard.)
***It's a volunteer position (both are actually.) You can't really be fired.
***It's a volunteer position (both are actually.) You can't really be fired.
****Django the Monkey god is another running joke in the class. We were talking about what people believe in and how there are God and gods. I made up Django, because i'm goofy, and the kids loved it (still do actually.) I also love tacos, which is well known, so tacos often come up as well.
*****The Boy, when prompted to answer a question in class will usually throw out either Jesus and/or Love, or both, which most of the time is the 'right' answer, or at least not wrong. Another inside joke between the two of us (our inside jokes are legion.)
*****The Boy, when prompted to answer a question in class will usually throw out either Jesus and/or Love, or both, which most of the time is the 'right' answer, or at least not wrong. Another inside joke between the two of us (our inside jokes are legion.)
