Christmas Wrapping

I suck at gifts. I think because I'm an only child, and I pretty much got what I wanted as a kid. At some point, I started feeling guilty about that, and figured I had pretty much what I needed. Thus, to this day, if you ask me what I want for my birthday, Christmas, or Kwanza, I say, "Nothing. I don't need anything."

My Lovely Bride is the exact opposite. She loves gifts, and gets that it isn't about what you need, it is about what you want. I think this is because she didn't get nearly as much as me as a kid for birthday and Christmas.

Our marriage, like any other has it ups and downs. Ebb and flow. This gift issue though, is a continual challenge, one that I'm staring down yet again.

It's harder now too. Not only do I need to get a gift from me, I need to get gifts for her from the Boy(s).

One of the ways I try and gear up for this challenge, is to mentally review highs and lows from past gifts. Believe me, there have been many more lows, than highs, and truth be told, what I think is the biggest high (leather coat for her birthday many years ago,) only happened because I'm a dipshit.

The story. Sad, but true, happened at Nordstroms in the Galleria (which was new to Dallas at that point.) I had heard that Nordstroms was a great place for personal service, which I needed. Because not only do I suck, I realize that I suck. Nordstroms also had a pub in their men's department back then, where I figured I could drink a pint (or two) while my transaction was completed and the gift was wrapped.

When I entered the women's department the only thing I knew for sure was that I wanted to buy my Lovely Bride a leather coat for her birthday. From there. I was clueless. Had no idea on what style. Length. Size. At that point in our marriage, I hadn't realized that I could ask My Lovely Bride's Mother these questions. So, instead, I marched up to the first sales lady I saw and said, "Can you help me?"

"Yes sir." She replied.

"I need to get a coat for my wife." I said. "It's her birthday."

"A coat would make a lovely gift." She said.

"Today is literally her birthday," I continued. "I need to get something, nice, and get it wrapped, and then I need to go to a dinner thing at my in-laws for the birthday. Like in an hour."

"I understand sir." She said. "What style of coat are you thinking for your wife?"

"Leather." I said.

"We have an excellent selection of leather coats." She said, "What color were you thinking? And length? Are you looking for a classic style, something more modern?"

Nothing. I was a deer in headlights.

"Of..." I babbled, "Leather?"

"I understand sir. I think I can suggest something your wife will like?" She said.

"I'm not very good at this," I said. "I'm not really sure. I just want it to be nice. And gift wrapped. Oh, and I need to make sure she can exchange it in case I screw up."

"Yes sir, I understand. How about this coat." She said.

"I like it." I said. "How much?"

"What size of coat do we need to look at, sir?" She said.

"Of..." I babbled. Clueless.

"That's ok sir. Many men don't know their wife's size. Perhaps you can tell me more about her, or if she's comparable to anyone in the department?" She said, looking around.

"She's about your size." I said. "only her boobs are way bigger than yours."

It took a split second for my mind to catch up with my mouth. The sales lady just stared at me, with an uneasy smile on her face.

"I'm sorry." I said. "I suck."

"It's ok," she replied, as that uneasy smile morphed into a shrewd one, "Most men do," She put the original coat down and grabbed another off the rack, "what do you think of this coat?"

"Of..." I said.

That coat, was of course, the coat that I bought. It was much more expensive, thus nicer than the original coat shown, and truth be told, much nicer than I would have purchased on my own.

Most important though, the gift didn't suck. My Lovely Bride Loved it. And as I said, at the get go of this here BLOG entry, it probably is the best gift that I've ever purchased for her.

All because I'm a dipshit, who talked himself into a corner, by telling a complete stranger that my wife's boobs were way bigger than hers.

Until I BLOG again...Merry Christmas! Merry Christmas! Couldn't miss this one this year!