This is what I do

Life doesn't offer up many second chances, which is why I said, "Yes," when My Lovely Bride asked if I would read at E's storytime the following Monday.

No wait. Back up. Let me start earlier.

I thought it was funny, in a 'tis the season sort of a way, that the reason My Lovely Bride spaced out and forgot her guest reader spot at the Elder Boy's school storytime was because of elfa shelves.

In her defense, the PTA person in charge of booking guest readers, failed to email a reminder until an hour after My Lovely Bride was supposed to take the stage at storytime. That didn't assuage her guilt though. She needed me for that, which is why she asked, "Can you read at E's school next week? I can't, I'm substitute teaching there that Monday."

"Of..." I said, buying time to run my schedule through my monkey brain. It was still stuck on the elfa joke. She took my hesitancy as a sign that I didn't want to do it because I'd been so busy at work.

"That's ok," she said, "I'll tell her no."

"Wait." I said. "I have been busy at work, and that's my first week back to normal, but..." I thought more about my schedule, and how it would be tight, but, I could probably do it, "What if you tell her I'll do it if she can't find anyone else to do it?"

My Lovely Bride just stared at me, like the dipshit that I am.

"Oh. I guess if I say that, I'm pretty much doing it. Huh?" I said.

She nodded her head, slowly.

"It is important though." I said, more to myself than her, "Tell PTA Lady I'll do it. Oh, and when you do, be sure and cc: me on that email so I don't forget to add it to my calendar."

Later at work, I got an email from the PTA lady (addressed to my Lovely Bride, with me cc:'d) that said: Great! I've got him down for next Monday and I'll be getting in touch with you about the schedule for January and beyond. Thank you both for being willing volunteers!

Reading it, I thought about second chances, and decided to hit reply all (so My Lovely Bride would see) and wrote: No problem. I enjoyed it last time, and maybe this time the Boy will let me read Walter the Farting Dog to his class. He didn’t last time. He was afraid Mrs. Nowacki wouldn’t like it and that I’d end up on ‘red.’

Bam! I hit send. Five minutes later, maybe less, I had a reply from the PTA Lady that said: Very funny how their minds think! But good for him for having a healthy fear of being on red. Ms. Nowacki (the librarian) is usually open to whatever you want to read, so bring it a little early and ask her if it's okay. The only reason I could see for not reading it is that the class might get out of hand and Ms. Green would never hear the end of chatter about/imitation of the book.

After I stopped laughing, I hit reply all (again, so My Lovely Bride would realize how lucky she was to live with such a funny guy) and wrote: You misunderstood me. Not put the Boy on red. Put me on red. He's afraid that Mrs. Nowacki can do that to me. I assured him I'm an adult and I'm above her Homeland Security like behavioral chart. He doesn't believe me. The Boy thinks a teacher is above an adult. I disagree, plus I don't feel my material should have to be approved by Mrs. Nowacki. Because of Freedom of Speech, as well as the last time I read at storytime, Mrs. Nowacki told me she's a Tiger (LSU.) I'm a Sooner (OU.) I'm still upset that they get to play in the National Championship while my Sooners have to go to the Fiesta Bowl.

I held my finger over the Bam! button, and wondered if being funny and freaking the PTA Lady out for my own amusement was worth ruining the Boy's green (behavior chart, green=good) record?

It would be funny. Very funny. I'm sure that Mrs. Nowacki (as well as the PTA lady) wouldn't put the Boy on red because of me. They also couldn't put me on red. What teacher could? Right?

Wrong.

There was one.

Mrs. Tinsley.

She would only be a substitute that day, but still, if I pissed her off, red would seem like green when compared to what she could do to me.

Quickly and carefully I moved my finger away from the Bam button, closing the message (unsent) and went back to work.

Until I BLOG again...All of us have a albatross and this is my one.