This is probably only funny to me, and my Mom. Someone getting kicked in the nuts funny. Ready?
My Mom's (the Boy(s) Granny) cancer doctor has a dog who has cancer. Seriously. You cant make this shit up. When Mom told me, my first question was, "Is he giving his dog chemo?" Mom laughed. You have too.
Until I BLOG again...FUCK cancer.
Tuesday, June 27, 2006
Thursday, June 22, 2006
They're talking in a language I don't speak
Dinner at the Casa is nuts. I'm not sure what it is about that block of time between 5pm-7pm, but the Boy(s) are usually wound up like an 8 day clock. This makes sitting down to a family dinner extremely challenging. Factor in My Lovely Bride had Drunco in Southern Oklahoma so she passed the Boy(s) baton to me, pretty much, as soon as I entered the door, and well, it is hard.
Remember all the times I've told you I'm an idiot? For those that think maybe I'm trying to be funny, or being hard on myself, dig this. I decided last night, at dinner time, crazy time, that was a good time for me to have the cancer conversation with the Boy(s).
It went pretty well considering the subject matter. I talked myself into a few corners, but, again, I'm an idiot so you'd expect that I would illustrate what bald is be citing Uncle Chewning, only to realize that wasn't the smartest thing to say because the Boy(s) might assume he had cancer. Or was taking chemotherapy. So, I tried to explain male pattern baldness along with cancer, and chemotherapy, and all of that. During most of my talk, Wy Wy was more interested in playing with his ramen noodles than what I had to say on the subject. Ethan actually listened, and had a few questions for me. My favorite, "What's a wig?" at which point he hopped up from the dinner table (a no no at dinner time, that we half ass enforce) and grabbed an old ball of play-dough that was by the art table (which is near our dinner table.)
Knowing what the Boy had in mind, I said, "Ethan. Don't throw that...(as he threw it across the table hitting Wy on the top of the head, which was a pretty good shot.)
Fuming, "ETHAN!!!" I paused. Trying to stay in the now, count to 10, all the while looking at Wyatt, since my sight line was on the flight path of the play-dough, "Why didn't you obey me!"
As Ethan stood beside me stammering for an answer, Wyatt stopped playing with his ramen noodles and went from 0-60. He was pissed. He actually looked more upset than me.
"DA!" He shouted. "I'm not a baby! I'm a boy! Little boy!!!!"
Indeed. And I'm an idiot, who also talks fast and mumbles.
Until I BLOG again...Nothing's really making any sense at all.
Remember all the times I've told you I'm an idiot? For those that think maybe I'm trying to be funny, or being hard on myself, dig this. I decided last night, at dinner time, crazy time, that was a good time for me to have the cancer conversation with the Boy(s).
It went pretty well considering the subject matter. I talked myself into a few corners, but, again, I'm an idiot so you'd expect that I would illustrate what bald is be citing Uncle Chewning, only to realize that wasn't the smartest thing to say because the Boy(s) might assume he had cancer. Or was taking chemotherapy. So, I tried to explain male pattern baldness along with cancer, and chemotherapy, and all of that. During most of my talk, Wy Wy was more interested in playing with his ramen noodles than what I had to say on the subject. Ethan actually listened, and had a few questions for me. My favorite, "What's a wig?" at which point he hopped up from the dinner table (a no no at dinner time, that we half ass enforce) and grabbed an old ball of play-dough that was by the art table (which is near our dinner table.)
Knowing what the Boy had in mind, I said, "Ethan. Don't throw that...(as he threw it across the table hitting Wy on the top of the head, which was a pretty good shot.)
Fuming, "ETHAN!!!" I paused. Trying to stay in the now, count to 10, all the while looking at Wyatt, since my sight line was on the flight path of the play-dough, "Why didn't you obey me!"
As Ethan stood beside me stammering for an answer, Wyatt stopped playing with his ramen noodles and went from 0-60. He was pissed. He actually looked more upset than me.
"DA!" He shouted. "I'm not a baby! I'm a boy! Little boy!!!!"
Indeed. And I'm an idiot, who also talks fast and mumbles.
Until I BLOG again...Nothing's really making any sense at all.
Wednesday, June 21, 2006
Jesus of Suburbia
The Elder Boy has been telling people he can walk on water. Seriously. It is especially funny (to me at least) when he tells people from (or at) church that he walks on water. The strange, often uncomfortable look people give him. Classic.
He can walk on water though. I've seen him do it. If you went swimming with the Team, you would too. You see, Dear Reader, what he means when he says he can walk on water is that he is now tall enough to walk in the shallow end of most swimming pools. He can walk in the water.
Funny, how using on instead of in changes the connotation of his statement. The implication. You see, Dear Reader, me and my Lovely Bride have to sit the Boy(s) down this week and talk about cancer. How do you explain cancer to young children? Hair loss from chemotherapy? Uncertainty in treatment? Prognosis? Walking on water sounds pretty damn good if you ask me.
Until I BLOG again...FUCK cancer.
He can walk on water though. I've seen him do it. If you went swimming with the Team, you would too. You see, Dear Reader, what he means when he says he can walk on water is that he is now tall enough to walk in the shallow end of most swimming pools. He can walk in the water.
Funny, how using on instead of in changes the connotation of his statement. The implication. You see, Dear Reader, me and my Lovely Bride have to sit the Boy(s) down this week and talk about cancer. How do you explain cancer to young children? Hair loss from chemotherapy? Uncertainty in treatment? Prognosis? Walking on water sounds pretty damn good if you ask me.
Until I BLOG again...FUCK cancer.
Friday, June 02, 2006
Longview
Morning often finds the Little Warrior in the den drinking milk and watching Max & Ruby on the tube, while the Elder Boy repairs to our bed to watch Cartoon Network. This all came about because I'm usually in the bedroom getting ready for work in the AM, and Ethan watching TV in our bed allows him a bit more Daddy time. You might ask yourself, what about Wy? Trust me, Wy is OK with this arrangement. I'll save how OK for a future BLOG entry, cause it is actually kind of funny and worth recording. But, back to my point, this AM, I was getting ready while Ethan lounged in the bed watching Tom & Jerry on Cartoon Network.
I was putting on my socks when the Boy stopped watching Tom & Jerry and said, "Dad?" Which is usually the intro for a barrage of questions.
"Yes?"
"I have a long penis."
"Excuse me?"
"I have a long penis."
"What?"
Looking at me, like the idiot I am, Ethan repeated slowly.
"I have a long penis."
"Really. You don't get that from me."
The Boy, not getting my joke, pulled down the covers and then his pajama bottoms enough to expose himself, as he said proudly, "See, I have a long penis."
"Boy, you have an erection."
"e...election?"
"No, erection. When your penis is hard, or long like that, you call it an erection."
Until I BLOG again...Some say,"Quit or I'll go BLIND." But it's just a myth
I was putting on my socks when the Boy stopped watching Tom & Jerry and said, "Dad?" Which is usually the intro for a barrage of questions.
"Yes?"
"I have a long penis."
"Excuse me?"
"I have a long penis."
"What?"
Looking at me, like the idiot I am, Ethan repeated slowly.
"I have a long penis."
"Really. You don't get that from me."
The Boy, not getting my joke, pulled down the covers and then his pajama bottoms enough to expose himself, as he said proudly, "See, I have a long penis."
"Boy, you have an erection."
"e...election?"
"No, erection. When your penis is hard, or long like that, you call it an erection."
Until I BLOG again...Some say,"Quit or I'll go BLIND." But it's just a myth
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
