Wednesday, April 30, 2014

One Love

I'm doing something I don't often do, breaking my own rule, and posting on the Team Tinsley blog.  I'll give myself a pass though, because I'm doing it for posterity.  For the Buck Rogers future.  And.  Probably most important, this letter closes a loop on this here blog.  

Context.  Boy #1 is entering the final weeks of his Confirmation Class at AUMC.  This past weekend we had a retreat for the class (I'm both a teacher of the class and a parent obviously) and we were asked to write a letter to our children with what we wanted for them.  

Below our my words.  Horrifying to some I'm sure, but 100% true, and from the heart.  

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April 25, 2014

Boy, Your journey to what will be now, your Confirmation Retreat, started on February 15, 2005.  You were just a month past your 3rd birthday (as you know I documented much of your early years on the Team Tinsley BLOG which is why I know the date.)  Not sure if you recall your love of Fear Factor at that tender age, but I can remember us watching it side by side in the big leather chair that used to sit next to the fireplace.  Now, we wouldn’t fit in that chair which makes me a little sad for reasons that I’m sure are hard for you to fathom.  I’ve included the Fear Factor story with this letter if you want to read it.

If you do read it you’ll realize that it has been very important to me to expose you to a faith base because of my fucked up background with religion (side note: you want to bet that your letter is the only one with the F word in it? You should do a poll with your brothers and sisters.*)    

My point.  The brand of Christianity that was shoved down my throat in my youth was very flawed in my opinion.  We’re talking Jake’s God 3 x10.**  This coupled with my black and white, borderline OCD personality traits caused me a lot of hurt that I didn’t always express.  I was scared of religion.  Hell, I was scared of God (3) and his son Jesus, because if you said fuck, like I did earlier in this letter, I was going to hell.  And hell was a very real place to those that were preaching to me. 

It took me a long time to get over this, even after I no longer believed it.  I closed my heart to it.  Which isn’t a good way to live you life regardless of what you believe. 

So, what do you believe?  That’s the beauty of Confirmation and AUMC.  It’s really up to you.  I won’t lie.  I do want you to continue on with AUMC as a strong solid faith base, which I think will serve you well.  I think being part of the Youth program, is good.  Going to church and being a part of that community is good.  But at the end of the day all I really care about are a few things. 

I want you to be happy.  And. I want you to do as much good as you can. 

There’s a really simply way to do this too.  Follow the golden rule.  Regardless of your faith, what you believe, etc.  If everyone just did onto others…   the world would be a far better place.

You’re a good boy, Ethan.  I have faith that you’ll always do good.  And please pay attention to the ‘do’ part of that statement.  I didn’t say be good.  You’re human. You’re going to mess up and do shit you end up regretting.  And that’s ok.  I will always love you.  Be there for you. Support you.  Your Mom and I truly are your biggest fans and want nothing but happiness for you.  My wish for you is that you can find a way in the world to do as much good as you can do, and be happy as you do it.  To be honest (and this could get me fired as a youth counselor and confirmation teacher***) I don’t care if you’re a Buddhist, Methodist, Baptist, Muslim, or go rogue and worship Django the Monkey god**** who died eating a taco (and you decide to wear a taco around your neck like a crucifix.)  You should explore what you believe.  Ask questions.  Listen to your heart.  As you go through life, the way you feel about things will change based on your experiences.  The context of your life.  Your thoughts will change.  And that’s ok.  With Methodism and AUMC as a faith base, you’ll always have that foundation to support you.  It’s your stock answer****** I know.  But the answer really is LOVE.  And for many people Jesus is the embodiment of that love.  

I love you Boy.  And want you to be the best Ethan Gentry Tinsley you can be. 



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Glossary of Boy #1 and Dad Inside Jokes and References...

*The Boy's fellow confirmands are often referred to as his brothers and sisters (in Christ, which isn't often said, just 'your brothers and sisters' and it creeps him out, hard.  I'm messing with him is the point, because that's how I roll.

**God 3 is a touchstone from our class. Again, I'm one of the two teachers and was teaching alone that day when we were going over how people believe in God vs. how Methodists tend to believe.  There was a play, and there were three Gods (not in the Trinity sense.)  The three versions were more how people viewed God...example.  God please let me (insert your favorite sporting team) win the big game and I'll do (inset what you'd do.)  One of the three Gods, was Old Testament with a Kung Fu Grip God.  Smite you.  Played by Jake P. in our class, who did such an awesome job I'll never be able to think of a vengeful God without thinking of Jake and God #3 (which is most often the God I heard about growing up in Oklahoma and freaked me out, hard.)

***It's a volunteer position (both are actually.)  You can't really be fired.

****Django the Monkey god is another running joke in the class.  We were talking about what people believe in and how there are God and gods.  I made up Django, because i'm goofy, and the kids loved it (still do actually.)  I also love tacos, which is well known, so tacos often come up as well.

*****The Boy, when prompted to answer a question in class will usually throw out either Jesus and/or Love, or both, which most of the time is the 'right' answer, or at least not wrong.  Another inside joke between the two of us (our inside jokes are legion.)

Monday, January 11, 2010

Pure

We interrupt this BLOG entry to apologize to anyone who has stumbled (or returned) upon this BLOG in the hopes that there would be something new to read. This BLOG is officially done. Archived, but no longer serving up fresh content. I created top of the pop type lists for anyone who wants to read (or revisit) posts that I feel are the best of each year this BLOG was open for business. Click hard for: 2004, 2005, 2006, 2007, 2008 and 2009.

If you want to see what I'm up to now visit aboynamedstu.


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Sunday. Morning. Came. Down. To. This. The 272nd post on this here BLOG. My last.

Six years have passed since I wrote that first tentative post. I was thirty six at the time. My Lovely Bride thirty three. The Elder Boy nearly two. And The Little Warrior was just two weeks old.

Life was different then. Simpler. Only I didn't realize it. You never do.

When I started this BLOG, it was intended to be a way to keep our growing family, that I had only recently dubbed Team Tinsley, connected with family and friends. A few months in, I had an a-ha moment and realized that what I was writing could serve a greater purpose. It could be saved for posterity. That my goofy ass BLOG could be a chronicle for you Boy(s), who short of some serious therapy, wouldn't be able to remember these stories. Because you were so little. I also knew that your Mom and I would forget some of it too. And like Neil Gaiman said, "You forget the things you were certain you would always remember, especially the tiny things, and all too often they're the things that matter." That quote in many ways beget this BLOG which is simply: my remember when, for then, then being the Buck Rogers future.

From the beginning I knew this BLOG would have an end date. That there would come a time when I'd stop because I didn't want to
embarrass you
in such a public forum. And probably more importantly, I don't want my stories to overwrite your memories. Memory is a funny thing. What you remember. What you forget.

Still, ending is hard, because I feel like there's so much more I want or need to say. Which is goofy. If I haven't said it by now, I probably never will. And the reality of it is that ending this BLOG is tangible proof that you both are growing up faster than I care to admit.

Blink your eyes Dear Reader.

It's 2004 and I'm sitting in front of the computer writing that first tentative post. Blink them again and I'm sitting in front of the computer, with tears in said eyes, writing this final post.

It happened so fast.

So here you have it. Sunday morning coming down to 272 entries that comprise this BLOG which is a living memoir — my attempt to document little snapshots of our lives from 2004 until 2010. It's an account of our journey, my thoughts, my lessons learned, my uncertainties. Even so, know that My Lovely Bride, your Mom, played an equal part in it all. Your Mom is the glue Boy(s). Never forget that. It's important.

The only thing to add beyond that is this.

I love you Ethan.
I love you Wyatt.
I love you Carter.

And that's it.


Pure and simple just for you.



Team Tinsley Retrospective Slide Show Action for those feeling wistful. All photos used are from 2004 until the present.

Monday, December 28, 2009

King For A Day

Finally, the final recapitulation ---- 2009 style. Click hard for the recaps of these years: 2004, 2005, 2006, 2007 and 2008.

This whole omphaloskepsis exercise has been interesting. The early years were relatively easy to recap. I think because more time has passed, which lends itself to more perspective. Then we have 2009, which was hard to recap, mainly because I'm still too close to most of what I wrote, which is a bit sad, because I think in many ways, 2009 is the strongest year on this here BLOG. Cumulative. I found a rhythm. A sense of style. Which I like. Which is ironic considering I'm about to shut it all down. Actually. I'm going to continue to BLOG once I finish here. But it won't be the family friendly Team Tinsley kind of a blog (which is somewhat frightening considering how un-family friendly this here BLOG can be at times, with my bad language, and dark subject matter.) But that comes later. For now, we got one final recap to recap.

2009

Let There Be Love
January 07, 2009
You never really get over the death of a loved one, best I can tell. It's always there. That wound. Or sense of what you lost and all the things you wish you would have said, or done. The platitude that it gets easier with the passage of time, is true, but the thing they fail to tell you is that you'll trade the acute pain for a dull ache that you'll often feel at the big moments of life. And for me, often the smallest ones.

I wonder what's gonna happen to you
January 15, 2009
This is a companion piece to Let There Be Love in a lot of ways. The flip side. Where I out myself about being creeped out by the thought of a departed loved one watching over me from beyond.

I was made for lovin' you
February 27, 2009
This is one for the Team Tinsley record book. The first documented case of my bad sense of humor biting me in the ass at the hands of The Little Warrior. Truly classic.

The ruins to the right of me
March 17, 2009
A powerfully honest POST. So honest in fact, that I sort of cringe when I re-read it. There is also some serious subtext going on, since it was here that I made the decision I was going to pull the plug on this here BLOG soon.

Stand Up Comedy
April 08, 2009
Another entry that I heart, hard. It is even funnier to me now, considering My Lovely Bride and the Boy(s) have been awol from church for most of the year. Perhaps this is when it all began.

Horseshoes and Handgrenades
May 27, 2009
Sweet Mother of all that is good. A crazy ass wheels off post that involves Me, The Elder Boy, two seed ticks, and a pocket knife in a campground shitter in Oklahoma. Another classic.

Mirror in the Bathroom
June 20, 2009
Another post where I out myself re: my fathering skills and how I innocently messed the Boy(s) up (one of them shit in the hallway they were so afraid to go into the bathroom!) by telling them how Bloody Mary worked.

Yakety Yak
August 13, 2009
Funny post about cleaning out the Elder Boy's room. Does a good job of capturing (for posterity) our personalities and household dynamics circa 2009.

42
August 27, 2009
The best example ever, of how bad I suck in real time. Some heavy shit in this post as I realize some startling truths. One, from September 12, 2009 is a half ass epilogue to 42.

The Emperor's New Clothes
September 02, 2009
A funny yet simple, day in the life kind of entry that chronicles Wy's curious tendencies in regard to clothing, and his hate for hard pants (a.k.a jeans.)

Until I BLOG again...So listen...

Monday, December 21, 2009

And the train conductor says

To recap the recaps: 2004, 2005, 2006 and 2007.

2008

I'm in the sky tonight
January 18, 2008
A historical (from a family point of view) entry that brings up the question of what those that remain behind should do with the remains of thier loved ones.

Barracuda
March 15, 2008
Another favorite of this here BLOG that I forgot even existed (that's what happens when you have 269 entries.) Brings back all the issues E had with kindergarten, as well me realizing that even though I want to be Crush the Turtle (from Finding Nemo.) I'm Marlin. It wasn't my intent at the time, but this post ended up being the first entry in what I'll dub my 'Sea Triology.' Swallowed in the Sea - May 13 is part 2. Such Great Heights - June 17 is the epilogue. Sadly, Molly the Dog who played a small part in these stories was put to sleep in late November 2009.

Story of my Life
May 01, 2008
Necessity is the mother of all invention, or so it seems with this Mr. Mom meets MacGyver smash-up where i fashion a band-aid out of a maxi-pad for the Younger Boy.

Boulder to Birmingham
June 21, 2008
Often for me, an entire entry will spring forth from a random sentence that comes to mind when I'm thinking about something that has happened recently. This entry came from this: Grief is funny. And apparently has no statue of limitations. Which is true. So true.

Roll with the changes
September 17, 2008
A simple story of how quickly kids grow up, and the beauty of this here BLOG in capturing those little moments.

20th Century Boy(s)
October 08, 2008
Mr. Mom + Tushka, Oklahoma mingo store + Rubber Machines + Diarrhea = 20th Century Boy(s).

I'm not running anymore - Part 1 and Part 2
October 27, 2008 & November 7, 2008
Another wheels off Mr. Mom adventure where we ask the question: Can you lose a lost dog?

I can't change the world
November 17, 2008
Brotherly love story that warms my heart more than a year later. It does a great job of capturing the Boy(s) complicated (or are all brothers like this? As an only child it is all voodoo to me) relationship.

Money Changes Everything
December 16, 2008
I like the comment this entry got so I'll sum it up with it: "The tooth fairy is feelin' the recession? OMg that is so funny! (you know you might be going to hell, right?)"

Until I BLOG again..."Take a break drive 8, driver 8 take a break, we've been on this shift too long."

Friday, December 11, 2009

Lost in the Milky Way

Sweet mother of all that is good, there is nothing more fascinating to me as a breeder, than the difference in the Boy(s) personalities. And the way certain personality traits mirror My Lovely Bride or my own.

Take the Younger Boy. He's a chopped down version of me. Both in appearance and personality. But the thing is Dear Reader, when I was his age, I was more like the Elder Boy. Quiet. Sensitive. Bashful. I'd rather blend into a crowd or be a wall flower than be the center of attention.

For reasons I'm not exactly sure of, that changed in the 5th or 6th grade. I got over the bashful thing and became much the way I am today (which is very much like Wyatt.) Mind you I didn't really change in the way I thought about stuff. What I found funny. Or how I felt about things. All that remained the same. The difference was how I acted to the greater world about it all.

My Dad often talks about the fact that his twin was very gregarious and ornery as a kid, while he was shy and quiet. At some point their roles reversed. Much the way my personality shifted. Which is my heavy-handed set-up for this BLOG entry about my first storytime with Wyatt's kindergarten class.

One of my favorite posts on this here BLOG (It made my 2007 recap) is the story of reading to Ethan's kindergarten class. If you have the time and inclination, read it, as it illustrates better than I could ever describe, how different these Tinsley Boy(s) truly are.

Before we get started I got to make one more point, to give you context.

I'm Mr. Mom a lot these days. My Lovely Bride, back to working full-time, at the very school were storytime goes down, cannot read to Wyatt's class this year. This was not the case for Ethan's kindergarten and 1st grade year. Both My Lovely Bride and myself read often. Not Wy. He doesn't have that luxury. He only gets me. And he had to wait until December to get me because of a mix-up in my schedule and storytime back in October. This upset the Boy. For the past month or more, he'd ask when I was going to read to his class. After I'd tell him, he'd tell me how some kids had already had four parents read to the class. I would then tell him that those were children of divorce and although it might sound good, divorce sucks, the same way it sucked that I hadn't got the chance to read to his class yet. But soon.

Soon happened on Thursday, December 3, 2009 which found me in the library talking to the librarian when Wy's class filed into the room.

As soon as Wy saw me, he beamed. So excited. Priceless.

The librarian stopped the class and asked Wy to come to the front of the line. Then she took me and him to the chair at the front of the area, while the rest of his class came in and sat on the floor in front of us.

"Class let's welcome Mr. Tinsley back to storytime." The librarian said.

"Mrs. Nowacki," I said to the librarian. "This is my first time with Wyatt's class. I've done storytime this year, but it was for Ethan's class."

"Oh," she said. "Well Wyatt, can you introduce your Dad then?"

"Yes." Wyatt said, and then he walked around in front of me, in front of his class, like a mini-emcee and shouted, "This is Mr. Tinsley! My Dad!!!"

On cue his class shouted back, "Hi Mr. Tinsley!!!"

I couldn't help but laugh, not only at the class' in unison shouted greeting but because in all the times Ethan has introduced me at storytime, he hid behind me when he introduced me. In fact, you could barely hear his mumbled intro which he would say and then promptly go and sit down with his class. Usually in the back row. As far from me as possible.

Not Wyatt.

After his introduction, he spun around and grabbed the books from my hand, climbed upon my lap, got settled, and then said, "Let's go, Dad."

"Ok, then." I said to Wyatt when I noticed a little girl in the second row had her hand raised.

"Yes." I said.

"Are you Wyatt's special dad?"

"Special?" I said confused at what she meant.

Wyatt wasted no time in answering her, "No!" he shouted in that loud, husky voice of his, "He's Captain Inappropriate. It's awesome."

Then he laughed. Actually cackled, at his own bad joke which made the class bust out in laughter.

It was while the librarian was trying to get the wheels back on, and the kids quiet that I figured out what the girl meant by special.

"You mean his Grandpa?" I asked her.

The little girl, looking sheepish, nodded her head, and then said, "Yes."

"Really," I said incredulously, "I look that old?"

"YEAH!!!!" screamed the entire class.

Fuck me, thankfully I thought.

"My Grandpa is dead." Wyatt said.

Sweet mother of all that is good, Wy turned uncomfortable up to 11 with that statement.

You could feel the tension rolling off the librarian and teachers in the back of the room.

"That's not true." I said to Wyatt.

"Oh yeah," Wyatt said.

I could see the adults in back relax, until Wy shouted, again in that husky over loud voice of his, "My Granny is dead!"

"That is true." I said to the class. "Wyatt's Granny is dead."

"She was his Mom." Wyatt told the class.

"That's true." I told the class. "She was my Mom."

You got to love kids. While the adults in back were stressing, the kids sat there watching the Captain Inappropriate and his trusty sidekick, The Little Warrior show, unfazed.

"Ok." I said finally. "Let's get started. But first I have to ask you all something. Something important."

They all looked at me. Intently.

"Really?!? I look like his Grandpa?"

They all nodded their heads, slowly, and said, "Yes."

"Awesome!"

Until I BLOG again...For the Life of Riley.