Dude looks like a lady....

Humpday a week a ago, I had to see a guy about a thing. This required that I look as presentable as I can look. That meant I needed to take clothes to the cleaners. Work and life conspired against me doing this myself, so my Lovely Bride stood up and took one for the home team x2. She dropped off the cleaning and picked it up on Tuesday. I played work golf on Tuesday, and arrived home, late and tired.

Cock-a-doodle-doo. Next morning I had a heck of a time getting up, running much late. As I was about to get dressed in my sartorial finest, the Elder Boy woke up and wanted for me to sit on his lap (which is his backwards way of saying he wanted to sit on my lap.) Having not seen him the night before, I quit getting dressed, and took 15 minutes to watch Higgly Town Heroes with the Boy. Now running VERY late, I went into our room to get dressed. Digging through the plastic of the cleaners, I extracted the freshly pressed black pants that I wanted to wear, as well as my shirt, did my hair, and proceeded to bust a move out of the casa. Again, I was running late. Only problem. My pants felt funny. I had once owned another pair of pants (khaki) like the black that I was wearing, those pants had got laundered vs. dry cleaned and shrunk on me. I thought maybe that was what had happened? Or, perhaps all the beer I had been drinking had added some additional girth to my middle section?

So, wanting to be a sharp dressed man, and not having much time, I did what most men, who are married do. I asked my Lovely Bride. "Honey," I said, "Do these pants look ok? They look short to me. Feel a bit tight." My Lovely Bride stood back, and gave me the once over, and pronounced, " You look fine." Sold!

Off to work, meetings all day, and that meeting with the guy about the thing, all added up to busy busy for this Boy named Stu. So much so that I never went to lunch and or to work-out. I just slaved away.

Home. Tired. Hot. Still feeling a bit fat in my fancy black pants, I decided to promptly go change into something more comfortable. As I peeled off the pants, I decided to check the waist size to see if I was in fact, getting fat. You see, for a lot of years I wore 32x32 pants, and then I lost some weight, and started wearing 31x32. I was thinking that these might be 31x32 pants and so as I was about to fold them, I opened them up and squinted to see (I wasn't wearing my glasses) what size they were.

10R is what it looked like. Wait. 10R? 10R! What the F bomb is 10R?

Then it hit me. Hard. Trying to be dressed to impress, I had, BY MISTAKE, worn Carter's pants the entire day. At work. In meetings. Meeting that guy about a thing. I was wearing my wife's clothing. Sweet mother of goodness.

Until I BLOG again...Lord, imagine my surprise.

P.S. Sadly, this wasn't me only sartorial slip up of the week. On Monday, prior to the Hump Day, a very hard Monday Monday, where I again didn't leave the office all day, even for lunch. Had a few meetings, saw people, etc. But never left. Imagine my surprise when I get home, say my Hellos to the Boy(s), and My Lovely Bride, who asks, "what is on your back?"

"Excuse me?" I had no idea what she meant. Coming closer, she turns me away from her and points to an area that is in the middle of my right shoulder. "There, right there, did you do something to your back..." at which point she sticks her hand under my shirt to see what it is.

What is was was a dryer sheet. I had went through my entire day with a balled up dryer sheet under my shirt looking like a half ass Quasimodo.