I'm wide awake

I have a bad sense of humor. You might agree. Hell, you probably do agree since my bad usage can go either way, including poor. Still, I use bad in the sick sense. I find certain things funny, that other do not. Some of things that I think are really funny, actually might horrify some people.

Take this as an example.

A week or so ago in the rearview at work, I got a call from My Lovely Bride who was at home with Ethan (Friday is her and E's special day, Wy goes to Mother's Day Out up at the Arapaho Methodist Church.) She told me, she was sick, and could I please go and pick up Wy from the school, and then bring him home and watch both Boy(s) for the afternoon.

My Lovely Bride and I have very defined jobs in our life. One of the things she always handles is school with the Boy(s). In fact, even though Ethan who is fast approaching 4 has been going to AMC since he was younger than Wy, I've never ever picked him or Wy up from school. I've actually never even taken them to school. I've been to their school. So, I know the layout and all that, but anything else was voodoo to me.

So, as promised I roll up to the Church at 1:45pm and head to the toddler room. No one is there. Hmmm. Confused, I back track to the front office area to find someone who might know where The Little Warrior is at, when I'm stopped by another Mom (Wy Wy is, how can I say, infamous up at the Church for his warrior like ways) who recognizes me and tells me they are in another room for rest time. Ok.

So I head back to this room, which is where I pick up the Elder Boy from Sunday School after church (yes, we've been going to church, but I'll save my thoughts on that for another BLOG entry, just note, most of these people know me or who I am.) The room has one of those strange daycare type half doors that always confuse me. Its like a childproof top for a bottle of pills. The door knob at least. I can never get those damn things open. You know the type, the top half opens, while the bottom stays shut, by design, which keeps the kids inside and allows the care givers to talk to whomever is wanting to come into the room, and again, it has that pull while you turn kind of knob that confuses my goofy ass.

Anyway...I walk up to this McChild like window waiting for the lady in front of me to collect her kid when I notice Wy's teacher, who I had just met the previous Sunday at Church services. Of course I can't remember her actual name so I just say Hi, when another much younger, helper lady who I recognize from Wy's daycare (during Church Services) also sees me and comes up to tell me that Wy has been saying "Daddy?" all day long. I think she is telling me this to make me feel 'good' about being a Daddy. I'm not sure. I didn't get to really think it through that far, because that is when I turn and actually look into this room, or look down upon the floor, and die laughing. I'm talking out loud, loud laughing. The two nice ladies who know my Boy(s), my poor Lovely Bride, and me (kind of because of the Church connection) give me an uneasy look, to which I can only continue laughing.

You see, what you can't see, was what I saw, and coupled with that bad sense of humor I was telling you about, I was laughing my ass off at what looked like a crack den for toddlers.

I'm serious. In 38 years on mother earth I've never seen anything like it. There were 12 to 15 toddlers, in various stages of consciousness, on these little bare toddler mattresses that were scattered all over the floor of this room. Each kid had what the younger lady later called a 'lovey' or 'loveys' with them. A favorite blanket, or toy. Most had been crying thus they were snot nosed and red eyed. All were asleep, but doing that active toddler kind of sleeping which is fitful, so they are moving around a bunch, thus half of their dirty little mattresses.

It was the strangest thing...and as I've typed, funny, to me at least.

I laughed hard and to long, until I finally came to my sense and realized that these two nice ladies who go to our church were freaking out that I was laughing, and would never get the joke if I explained. Not to mention the Moms in line behind me. I'm afraid Wy Wy got 86'd from a few bday party invite lists based on my sick sense of humor that fine Friday.

So, trying as hard as I can, I pulled myself together, to play Dad, and stopped laughing. I was doing so good too, until I finally saw Wy in this den of inequity, who saw me, half asleep, with his blanket, he popped up and started doing a very clumsy, zombie like stagger toward me, and well Dear Reader, I lost it again.

Father of the year. That's me.
Until I BLOG again...Just say NO!