Barracuda

Back in the day, when the Elder Boy was only the Boy, we watched Finding Nemo a lot. On VHS. Which sucked. He liked Crush the Turtle. I liked Crush the Turtle. The Boy and I would often watch Crush's part, over and over.

Be kind and rewind, my ass, when talking VHS. Rewinding is a beating. As is fast forwarding (which is also an oxymoron.) But fast forward I did, ever time we watched the beginning of Finding Nemo. I didn't want the Boy watching the barracuda part. Where Coral and all the babies but Nemo died. Looking back, I find this funny, considering the younger Boy knows how you kill a zombie at the tender age of 4. But, back in the day, I was afraid the barracuda part would scar Ethan.

Fast forward to now, or what passed for now a few days ago. Ethan and I were driving home from Wy's soccer practice. After a few minutes E asked if I'd play his current favorite song on my iPod. That song is Barracuda.

Which is why, when Ann Wilson sang, "you'd have me down down down on my knees" I was brought to mine, figuratively, by the obvious connection as well as a startling truth.

I'm Marlin.

I wish I was Crush.

But make no mistake, I'm not Crush.

I'm the antithesis of Crush.

I suck.

Looking in the rearview mirror at Ethan, thinking to hard, I considered if I had done a disservice to the Boy. He thinks as hard (if not harder) than me. Is that hard wired in him? Or is he that way because I was (am) Marlin? Nature versus nurture. That age old question explored so brilliantly in one of my favorite movies.

But this here BLOG entry isn't about me. It is about Ethan. And his extreme dislike of school.

Maybe it's the rules. Or trying to stay on green. Perhaps the social system. Or the hours. Whatever it is, he doesn't like it. Which is pretty ironic considering everyone at that school loves him. Seriously. That's not me being some goofy parent who thinks their kid is a genius. If you asked his teacher. Or the principal. You could ask the lunch lady. They'd all say the same thing. The Boy is a model student and they wished they had more kids like him at their school. Yet, the Boy, their model student doesn't like their school.

This bothers his Mom, bad. She takes it personally, since she's a teacher. Me on the other hand, I don't like that he dislikes school, but I'm a bit more open minded since I didn't like school myself. How many kids do?

This isn't about other kids though, this is about Ethan, who has taken all of his animosity about school and transfered it onto one kid in his class. I'll call him Ralph, although that is not his real name, because he reminds me of Ralph Wiggum.

Ethan hates Ralph.

Ralph is that goofy, sweet faced kid everyone has known at some point in their school career. He has horrible social skills. He doesn't know boundaries. He can't control himself. He often gets the entire class in trouble with his continuos outbursts and erratic behavior.

This is why Ralph loves Ethan. Ethan is everything Ralph is not.

This is why Ethan hates Ralph. Ralph is everything that Ethan is not, and represents everything he dislikes about school.

Which is why the morning after my barracuda epiphany the Elder Boy launched into a lengthy diatribe about Ralph. "I hate Ralph!." He said. "I wish something bad would happen to him."

"Son," I said, "That's not nice to wish something bad on someone. I understand that Ralph is annoying, but you need to ignore him."

"I want to knock his teeth out!" He answered. "Choke him!!!"

"Son, if you do that you'll get in trouble." I said.

"I want to hurt him...hit him with nunchaku!" Ethan yelled.

"Bub," I said calmly, "Try not to let him bother you so bad. Ignore him."

Ethan ignored me, so Wy who had been listening asked, "Toy numb chucks (how Wy says nunchaku,) or real ones?"

My Lovely Bride laughed at Wy's question which pissed Ethan off, bad.

"I WANT TO KILL RALPH! I HATE MY SCHOOL! I HATE HIM!!!" Ethan raged.

"Jinjin (how Wy says Ninja) Turtle numb chucks?" Wy asked again.

"I hope a storm comes and blows him away. Or a flood!" Ethan raged. "I'm not going to school. I hate school!"

"Son, you need to let it go." I said calmly, which is ironic, considering how good I am at letting things go, "Put on your shoes so you won't be late for school."

"I"m going to be late?!?!" He asked in a panic. "I'm going to be tardy?!?"

Fast forward ten minutes and I was dropping Ethan off at school. Most of his anger had dissipated by this point, as he mentally prepared himself for his school day. A day in which he'd be a model student.

A model student who wants to whip out numb chucks and maim Ralph.

Not that he'd do that though.

That would get the Boy off green.

Until I BLOG again...You gonna burn burn burn burn it to the wick.