"I pick fast." Wy said to no one in particular.
I smiled at Wy Wy as I walked past him sitting on the stocker's rack ladder thing parked in the aisle and said, "Yes, Wy Wy, you do," and looking at the Elder Boy I said, "I can't answer that for you, son, it is up to you."
Flummoxed he said mainly to himself, "I don't know which one to pick!"
"I pick fast." Wy said again.
The dilemma was which pack of army men to purchase with the money Old Granny had sent the Boy (along with the money he had squirreled away for the past few months.) The Younger Boy, as he said, did pick fast. It had taken him three minutes to decide what to spend his five dollars on (a five dollar toy dog figurine to go with his growing collection.)
"Which one would you pick?" The Elder Boy asked again.
"Son, I can't make that decision for you." I answered.
"How much do I have?"
"You have eight dollars," I explained. "Old Granny sent you five, and then you have another three in change that you've saved."
"How many is this?" he asked holding up a bag of Korean War army men which included various Korean War accouterments.
"Five dollars and ninety-nine cents," I said. "Plus tax."
"Is that enough?" he asked.
"You have eight. Is eight more than five?"
"Yes."
"Then you have enough." I said.
"What's tax?" he asked.
"Forget tax. Just pick what you want. We can't stay here all night."
"How much do I have?" Wy asked.
"You have five dollars Wy Wy. You haven't saved any money, because you blew it all at Dollar Tree the last time Old Granny sent you some."
"Man!" Wy grumbled.
"Dude," I explained. "You're good. The dog you want is five dollars. You have enough."
"I pick fast." Wy said.
"Yes." I said.
"Would you get this one?" E asked holding the bag full of Korean War army men which included various Korean War accouterments.
"Son," I repeated. "That is up to you."
"Man..." he grumbled.
Repeat the above, literally, for the next fifteen minutes, and you'd get to what was then, now.
"Ethan," I said. "You need to pick. It's a school night. We can't stay here much longer."
The Elder Boy grabbed a World War II bucket of army men that had four pockets which included U.S., British, German, and Japanese army men and asked, "How about this one. How many is it?"
"How much is it," I corrected. "That's $17.99, plus tax. But let's just say it costs eighteen dollars."
"Do I have enough?" he asked.
"No. You have only eight dollars."
"Oh." he said.
"I pick fast." Wy said.
"Wyatt!" Ethan shouted, " Don't stir it up!!!"
"ETHAN!" Wy yelled.
"GUYS!" I said trying to stop all hell from breaking loose in Hobby Lobby. "Chill out. Ethan, if you want to get that bucket of army men, I will loan you the ten dollars you'll need to buy it."
"REALLY?" he asked.
"Yes." I answered. "Do you understand what I mean by loan? That you will be borrowing the money from me. I'm not giving you the money. You will pay me back."
Nothing. Blank stare.
"It's like this Boy," I explained. "You have eight dollars. The five Old Granny sent plus the three in change you've been saving. The bucket you want is eighteen dollars. If you subtract eight from eighteen you get ten. That's what you need. I will give you ten dollars, so you have the eighteen dollars, but you have to pay me back later."
"REALLY?!?!" he asked.
"Yes. Really. You have to pay me back. Do you understand that? If Old Granny sends you money like she did this time, the next time she sends you five dollars, you will have to give me that five dollars. It is mine. Until you pay me back ten dollars."
"Yeah." he said in a way that made me think he didn't fully understand.
"Do you understand?" I asked.
He nodded.
"Ok, let's go then." I said. "Let's roll Wy Wy."
"Ok Dad." Wy said as he hopped off the stocker's rack ladder thing. "I pick fast."
"Yes. You do son." I said.
We were half way to the check out area when Ethan stopped in the aisle and asked, "Is this against the law?"
"What?" I asked. "You mean me giving you credit?"
"Yeah?" he said.
"No. People do it all the time actually." I explained.
"Oh." he said.
"Let's go." I said.
"Dad," Ethan asked.
"Yeah," I said knowing what was coming next.
"Would you pick this?"
On the way home Ethan sat quietly with his Hobby Lobby bucket of army men as Wy talked about his dog figurine purchase and how he was going to put that dog with the other dogs and line them up by size, or something to that effect. Ethan, I noted looked troubled so I asked, "E, what's up?"
"I feel sick." he said.
"Because of what you bought?" I asked.
"Yeah." he said.
"Dude, you think too hard. You got what they call buyer's remorse over an eighteen dollar bucket of army men purchase. It should make you happy, but you're not happy."
"I'm worried." he said.
"That you made a bad choice?" I asked.
"Yeah."
"I understand Boy. Believe me I do. I do the same thing when I buy stuff. Just ask Mom, I'll stand in the beer store for a long time debating on whether or not I should spent an additional 75 cents for something I want, and end up not doing it because something else is on sale. I know I'm being silly, but I still do it."
"Yeah." he said.
"This might help," I said.
"The reason we went to Hobby Lobby in the first place, is because you wanted to get army men that you had first spotted when we did your pinewood derby car for cub scouts."
"You could have went to Dollar Tree and blew your money, but you wanted to wait until today to go to Hobby Lobby. And then tonight at dinner, you talked about how you wanted different colored army men, and how you wanted to have their flags too."
"Yeah." he said.
"Does that bucket of army men have different color guys?"
"Yeah."
"And does each group have their own flag?"
"Yeah?" he said. "Here's the German's, right here."
Nice. The Boy is smarter than me and can identify the German Flag (I was looking for the Nazi Flag, which I guess in not political correct these days.)
"The other army guys, they had some cool accouterments and stuff, but you already have tanks and other army toys. You didn't need that stuff and if you would have got them, then you wouldn't have gotten what you said you wanted."
"Yeah."
"So I think you made a good choice." I said. "You got what you wanted. Now you're just thinking too hard. Second guessing yourself."
"Yeah." he said smiling.
"And you owe me ten dollars." I reminded. "Don't forget."
"I won't." he said.
"Did I make a good choice?" Wy asked.
"Yes Wy Wy. You made a good choice." I said. "And you know what else?"
"What?" both Boy(s) asked at the same time.
"Wy picks fast."
Later that night, Ethan called out for me from his room as My Lovely Bride and I were watching How I Met Your Mother on Time Warner's Bastardized Tivo thing.
Grumbling about the interruption, My Lovely Bride offered to go check on him. She wasn't even to his room, when I felt that pang of regret for not getting up off my country ass to see what the Boy wanted. I mean, really, How I Met Your Mother which was taped, or my first born son who is growing up faster than I want to admit. Fuck me.
Walking down the hall I heard My Lovely Bride ask him, "Let me see you move it."
I walked into the room in time to see the Elder Boy move his front tooth nearly in a 45 degree angle which made my want to puke.
"Eeeeewwwwwwwwwwwwwwww." I said as I turned and walked back out the door.
Five minutes later, his fourth tooth (and first front) was in his hand and he was testing his new smile in the bathroom mirror.
Before we went to bed that night, I looked in my wallet and nearly shit. I actually had three dollars, which I put under E's pillow on my way to bed. I couldn't find the tooth though since My Lovely Bride hadn't sequestered it in a sandwich type bag.
The next morning The Elder Boy came into the front room and said, "My tooth," and then held up the three dollars with a confused look on his face.
My Lovely Bride, much better in real time than me, gave him some reason for it as I walked to the back of the house to get ready to take the Boy to school and to go to work.
I was pulling on my pants when he walked into the bedroom, smiling that new style smile.
"What's up Boy?" I asked.
"Here." he said, handing me back the three dollars I had put under his pillow the night before.
"This is for the army men, right?" I asked.
"Yeah." he said smiling.
"Nice," I said giving him a hug. "Thank you."
"You're welcome." he said as he spun and started out of the room.
"Boy," I said.
"Yeah."
"You still owe me seven dollars."
Until I BLOG again...Between now and then.
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