How should I feel

After reading my last few schmaltzy BLOGS, I realized I might be painting an unrealistic portrait of myself. My goal for this here BLOG, aside from your amusement Dear Reader, is a time warp portal for my Boy(s) in the Buck Rogers future (a lofty goal for one cat's (bad) writing.) Thinking of that goal the other day, I thought this: Would the future versions of Wyatt and/or Ethan read what I've wrote and think, Our Dad was a big wuss!

For the record, I don't think there is anything wrong with a man showing emotion. Hats off to those that are in touch with that side. This BLOG isn't about me trying to defend my reputation as a man. Hell, any illusion I might have had of being a manly man was shredded in my first encounter with Carter. For those that don't know or don't want to read the full version, I'll cut to the chase. Carter thought I was funny (and I don't mean the ha-ha variety.) But, even before then, I've known that I'm not what you would consider a macho sort of a guy.

I've also never been the sort of Boy who teared up while watching a Hallmark card commercial. I don't need a box of Kleenix handy while watching (bad) Lifetime movies. Maybe for Who's The Boss, but as that BLOG illustrates, nearly all my saccharine entries are about the Boy(s). They are the exceptions. The chink in my armor. They get me, every time. Elsewhere in my life, I'm not that sensitive. In fact, I love my Lovely Bride, with all my heart, but, even she'd be the first to admit that I'm not that mushy. So, for the record, I'm not a wuss, except when it comes to the Boy(s).

Having said all that, you might not believe this: I'm not overemotional about all things Boy(s). I don't romanticize everything. In fact, there are a few things that I despise. Things that I would love to jettison from my daily life. Those things? Diapers and bottles.

I've BLOGGED (more like a rant) on diapers in the past. A year later, and I still can't stomach those preposterous cartoons on diapers. Nothing has changed from my last BLOG, except the goofy art. They now have Disney characters vs. animals with musical instruments. I guess Huggies (our brand of choice, only because you can buy them by the oodles at Sam's) sold the space to Disney? They probably thought it was a glorious marketing move. Picture that meeting. Tons of suits around the conference table, and some eager beaver marketing minion ready for the big pitch with flow charts, pie graphs, etc. As they wheel Uncle Walt in from cryogenic storage our jr. executive starts his spiel about reaching parents of young children to increase attendance at Disney amusement parks as well as increasing sales on ancillary Disney products. What better way to reach them than having trademarked Disney characters on diapers! The suits nod their collective head in agreement as they view the graphs and charts that illustrate that the average parent changes x amount of diapers a day, which would equal x impressions for Disney per change x2 (taking off old diaper and replacing with new diaper,) which would all = some big ass x% profit increase. Probably didn't go down exactly like that, but, at some point, someone at Disney made a deal with someone at Huggies and now I have to look at Mickey or Minnie Mouse every time one of the Boy(s) takes a shit.

I despise diapers. The day the Boy(s) are done soiling themselves, and can use the toilet (or backyard like their Dear Old Dad - that's number 1, not 2) will be a joyous day for Team Tinsley. I realize it will also mean that the Boy(s) are older, not as cuddly, etc. But, hey, I can handle that. You won't fiind me doing any, oh, I miss diaper BLOGS. If you see such a entry, I'll need a diaper - because I'll be full of shit.

Bottles or the bottle is something that is very close to being in the rearview at Casa Tinsley. Wyatt is down to one a day (at night.) He's not pleased about it either. Poor kid, the second child thing. Ethan got to be on a bottle a lot longer. But, as parents you live and learn, and we decided with Wyatt, the bottle would start going bye-bye when he turned one. This is fine with me. I was never really enamored with the bottle. Perhaps it is because I've never lactated? Not sure, but the whole bottle thing was always a tedious proposition for me. It was made worse by our brand of bottle. Advent. Not sure how we ended up with this curious English (they are proud of that fact, it is inscribed on their bottles) brand. I've read that Advent is as close as you can get to the teat, without actually being on it. I've never breast fed (or if I did, I can't remember) so I wouldn't know about that. All I know is that our Advent bottles had the annoying habit of leaking from the neck at the most inopportune of moments. Picture me in the kitchen, a crying baby, hungry, wanting the bottle NOW. While the Boy wails, I add tap water to the proper level, and whack it in the microwave, walking that fine line between hot and warm. As the buzzer sounds I grab the formula and add the proper amount of scoops and then mix it. Then, time to add the nipple to the bottle, followed by the test. The test was holding the bottle upside down with a finger over the nipple hole to see if the bottle would leak. If it was going to leak, it would then start to leak at the neck, running down the sides of the bottle...as the baby cried louder and louder. You then had to take off the nipple and try again. Test. Etc. I've had times when there would be no leak. Good to go from the get go. Other times, one refit of the nipple and good to go. Then there have been times when I've had to do it multiple times. Times when I had to get a different nipple. I've even had to scrap a bottle and start a new one because I couldn't get the nipple and or bottle not to leak. I'm sad to say that once (maybe twice) I've gotten so frustrated that I did my version of the Incredible Hulk and spiked the offending bottle and nipple on our kitchen floor (which is tile.) Not pretty, or smart, since I had to then clean it up - after feeding the baby of course. Then there were the times before we learned that the things leaked, or just forgot, and started feeding the baby only to realize that the bottle was leaking. It is a very subtle leak, thus, by the time I'd usually discover it, the baby was drenched. Which meant that I had to change the baby, and at that age, it was almost always into a onesie. Those outfits, with their snappy snaps are number three on my shit list - right behind diapers, and bottles.

To this day, I don't know why the Advent bottle leaked at times, and not others. Weird. There was no rhyme or reason to it, as far as I could tell. Trust me, I experimented. The only consistant thing was that it would always leak at the worst possible time. It wasn't just me either, Carter had the same issues and frustration herself. In fact, I think we're on the same page re: the bottle, and will be doing a jig of joy when the bottle is finally bye-bye for good at our house. I won't be taking any long last look before I say good-bye to bottles or Advent. It will more likely be, Hello shitcan. Unless of course I can sell them on eBay.

Until I BLOG again...