And you say, just be here now...

Laughing like a mad man by myself in the dark at 6:30 in the am. Why? Only moments before I'd been crying. Well, not really crying crying, tears in the eyes, wipe them away, touched in an emotional way crying. Laughter and tears are opposite sides of the same coin, to me anyway, if that even makes sense. Still, I felt oddly self conscious, even though no one (until now) knew what I was up to at that early hour. You would probably laugh too. Hell, you have my permission to laugh now. Go ahead, out loud in front of your computer. Shit, I laughed myself, and I'm talking about at myself, not with myself, laughter. Why? I was brought to tears by "Who's The Boss?"

One of my curious habits, since we got our DVR, is to Tivo (it's not really Tivo, Comcast's bastard version - which as far as I can tell isn't as good - but that's another BLOG entry - Tivo = DVR in my lexicon) Northern Exposure every night (it airs on Hallmark from 12-1am) as well as "Who's The Boss?" on Nick@Nite (airs from 2-2:30am) Then, the next morning, at the crick of the crack, 5:30am to be exact, I get up and watch these programs by my lonesome as I drink coffee.

The rest of Team Tinsley usually get up after I've finished watching "Who's The Boss?" which is around 7am if you're keeping score at home.

This is my alone time. I enjoy it. Look forward to it. Savor it. This is why I was in the dark crying and then laughing. I had finished Northern Exposure and was midway through "Who's The Boss?", We're talking third season "WTB?", the episode was #62, first aired in 1987, Marie's Secret (you might be laughing at me now with all this "WTB?" minutia.) Anyway, in this particular episode, Tony suspects his late wife might have cheated on him. This being the most saccharine of sitcoms (anyone think it weird that I watch these two divergent shows - says something about my contradictory nature I guess), she didn't cheat on him. But, he did learn that there were things he didn't know about her. Missed. He was feeling low.

But, that's not what made me cry/laugh.

Toward the end, as our pulpy little story was coming full circle to a neat closure, Sam (Tony's daughter for those not familiar with the show) tells him that her Mom used to tell her, how lucky they were to have him. He was a good Dad, husband, and man. Sitting there drinking coffee, watching all of this, I felt low too. Because we had lowered Wyatt's crib the night before. The Little Warrior was starting to pull-up, and My Lovely Bride thought (and by the way, was correct, less than a week later, he did in fact pull up) feared he would soon pull up in his crib and fall out if we didn't lower it a few notches. So, with that in my head, watching the syrupy lovefest of "WTB?" it all hit me, and, well I cried. Bittersweet tears, as our baby is growing up, and, since it is our plan to stop procreating, the milestones such as pulling up, and everything else are hitting me a bit harder than they did with Ethan. I'm paying more attention to them, or, I'm trying to pay more attention. But that is hard at times, in our crazy ass, two under three, Team Tinsley hacienda. It is hard to slow down, when we're constantly on go, which is why I was sitting by myself in the early morning crying (and later laughing) while watching "Who's The Boss?"

Until I BLOG again...There’s a time for love and a time for living.