Nobody said it was easy

I feel like Bill Cosby on this here BLOG entry, and by that I'm not talking about the cool Dad he played on The Cosby Show. Nope. I suck more than that. I'm talking the Bill Cosby who hosted that goofy program, Kids say the Darndest Things. You see, Dear Reader, last night, the Elder Boy attempted to drown the Younger Boy in the bathtub (I don't think he was actually trying to drown him, but I didn't see it happen.)

My Lovely Bride did though and she freaked out, hard. She freaked out hard, because a few moments before it happened, she had not been watching the Boy(s), but was instead looking at a magazine. I wish it would have been Parents (magazine), just for the irony, but, I think it was actually the latest Entertainment Weekly. At any rate, she freaked out and unleashed on the Elder Boy, who promptly freaked out, and started crying, hard.

I tell you all of that, for this...the Boy was crying so hard, I could see way down into his throat, and well, it looked funky. Red. Little white crap. Sort of what I imagined strep throat would look like. Being the germ fearing, hypochondriac that I am, I quickly put 2+2 together and figured the Elder Boy was sick. My Lovely Bride had complained about him being extra whiny all day. The Younger Boy's voice had been hoarse all evening. Nevermind the fact that the Little Warrior, aside from being hoarse was the picture of health. Happy, playing full tilt boogie. The Elder Boy too, aside from being whiny had been running amok in the backyard all evening. I'm an idiot though. So I soldiered on with my the Boy(s) are sick theory.

"Boy," I said. " Does your throat hurt?"
Still upset about getting in trouble for attempting to dunk his brother in the tub, he gave me a sad, pitiful look, and said, "My throat hurts..." followed by more crying and whining.

Ok then. Not all that sure what to do with this info, I decided to inform My Lovely Bride, who knows that I'm both an idiot and a hypochondriac, that the Boy might have been whiny all day because he was sick. She didn't believe me, or him, but still, being a Mom, and a good wife, went and got an industrial sized flashlight and told the Boy to open wide so she could inspect. Nothing. All looked fine to her.

Still, the Elder Boy continued to whine a lot, for the rest of the evening, and then protested violently when it was time to go read books. By this point, I was tired of the whining and wanted to do nothing more than go sit in my Throne of Impotence and watch Lost on TIVO. So, I said, in my attempt to cut to the chase.

"Boy, two books, pick them out or I will."
Whining hard, "But Daddy, I don't want to go to sleep." Followed by more whining and complaining.
"Son. Two books and I'm done. If you don't get in bed and let me read, you can go to bed right now with NO books."
"But...Daddy..." I could see his mental wheels spinning and then, the light bulb went off over his head, "MY throat really hurts." Which he followed with som whimpering and acting to show me just how bad it did hurt. That's when my light bulb flickered for a brief second, and I decided to try some reverse psychology.
"Really, Son. Well I guess you really do need your rest, we should skip books and let you get right to sleep so you can get to feeling bett...." He cut me off at the pass.
"NO. Two books. Let's read..." And he named his two books and we started reading the first one. About half way into said book, he said,
"Daddy?"
"Yes Son."
"What's a throat."

Until I BLOG again...No one ever said it would be so hard.