I have got to leave to find my way

Anger is easy. If anyone knows that, it is me. That is why, although hurt by his words, I understood when E said, "I'm going to get a new Daddy!" I knew where the Boy was coming from, and what he was fighting against. His Granny was dying. That was hard enough in and of itself. But the fact that I was turning around and going back to Houston, well, he was pissed.

"You aren't going to read me books. Ever!" He raged. "You're coming back...you're going to be gone a day!"

"Son," I said, "I don't know how long I'm going to be gone. I know you are angry, it is ok. Daddy loves you."

"YOU AREN'T MY DADDY!!!"

"Bub," I said, "When you are mad-or sad-or happy. Daddy and Mommy always love you. No matter what. You can't do anything to ever change that. I love you forever. Always."

Sweet mother of all that is good, it was as if I poked a stick into a nest of hornets.

"DON'T SAY THAT! DON'T TALK TO ME!!!!"

"Son, Daddy, has to go. I need to be there. For Pops. For Granny. I know it is hard to understand, but, well, I wouldn't be a very good Daddy if I didn't go, not the kind of Daddy you would want anyway. To be honest, I don't want to go, I'm scared, but I need to be there. I hope you..."

"ONLY GONE FOR A DAY!!!"

"Son, I don't know how long I'm going to be gone. I can't promise you that."

"Daddy..."

"Yes, baby?"

"Don't go."

"Son, I want to be there..."

"YOU'RE NOT MY DADDY!"

But I am, Dear Reader. I am. That is why I left Dallas and went back to Houston.

I know I have issues. That I'm far from perfect. Still, I'd like to think, or maybe I need to believe that I'm a good Dad. A good Husband. A good Son. And whatever it is, that trait that makes me these things, it is the same thing that drove me back to Houston. The thing that gave me the strength, or the courage to do, and see such horrible things. That thing that had me at my Mom's side, holding her hand, when she died.

Until I BLOG again...Strength and courage overrides, The privileged and weary eyes.