One of my favorite movies is The Shawshank Redemption. In a movie with many great lines, the most famous is probably this: "Get busy livin', or get busy dyin'."
I used to love that line. Now, I'm troubled by it. How do you get busy living when someone you love is dying? When you are faced with their slow decline to the inevitable? I have absolutely no idea. Truly.
It is strange how consumed by sorrow you can become, when dealing with a protracted death. The conflict you face. You know you should enjoy every moment of life. Hug your kids. Kiss your wife. Enjoy the ride. But, let's be honest, we all forget that, and get wrapped up in our own dramas. You could say that I'm wrapped up in this drama. The drama of my Mom dying. Alas, I'm not the first guy to lose a parent to cancer. Sadly, I won't be the last. I get that even as that gets me. I realize that when I succumb to the anger, and the sorrow, I'm ultimately doing a disservice to my Mom. That hurts. Bad. My Mom wants nothing more than for me to be happy. To enjoy my life. Yet, I'm so stuck inside my head with her dying, that I often fail to carry out her simple wish.
Maybe these feelings change as time passes. Or, I'm being to hard on myself. I really don't know.
What I do know is that life doesn't stop for the dying. Bills need to be paid. You have to work. Take out your trash. Give the kids a bath. Empty the dishwasher. Mundane things you often take for granted when things are normal. Things that the dying person would relish doing, if only they were able. "Get busy livin', or get busy dyin'" Is easier said on the big screen, than done in real life, when faced with this circle jerk of anger and sorrow, that often leads to bitterness.
Fuck cancer.
Until I BLOG again...How I dearly wish I was not here
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
No comments:
Post a Comment