Swallowed in the Sea

We have friends who, even though Roman Catholic, send their children, a boy and girl, to the day school at our church . A United Methodist Church. That's not unusual. Many of the families that send their children to the day school do not belong to the church in which it resides.

What is unusual though is this. Their boy thought our senior pastor was God.

Not a god. Capital G God.

His parents missed this at first, because the boy said things like, "We talked to God today in the sanctuary." Or, "God visited my class today." You can see how they'd miss it, since the day school is inside an actual church. They thought their devout Roman Catholic son was being spiritual within the context of his United Methodist Day School education.

One day, as the story goes, the mom was walking the boy to class when the senior pastor, Pastor Jack, approached them in the hallway.

Right about the time that Jack was passing them both, the boy pointed at him and said, loudly, "Look Mom! It's God!"

This made everyone freeze.

As you can imagine, the mom was speechless, confused and embarrassed. Realizing that her boy thought that the Pastor was God.

The boy's comment had made Jack stop as well, and he stood there looking at them both.

The boy. He was a deer in headlights, standing next to God, who was staring at him and his Mom, as he shook his head slowly from side to side.

After what must have seemed an eternity, Jack finally said, "No," shaking his head, "No. No. I'm not God."

Then smiling he said, "I'm God's friend." and walked on down the hall.

This is why, after a bitter verbal attack, followed by my censure, Ethan suggested that we talk to Pastor Jack about the Ralph situation.

Which is why on a Wednesday afternoon before lunch, Judy x5 led Ethan and I into Jack's office for the meeting.

I wish I could share the conversation in rich detail, because it was amazing to see Jack relate to Ethan, but to be honest, I was distracted. Bad. Jack's office has to be one of the coolest spaces I've ever been inside. It's like a cave. I could live in there. Full of books, photos, and mementos from his years of being a Pastor. The walls are nothing more than floor to ceiling book shelves with all that stuff. Stuff I couldn't take my eyes of the entire meeting. On the one wall that isn't a book shelf, Jack has a salt water aquarium which is a nod to his love of scuba diving. That tank is filled with all sorts of coral reef type sea creatures. In fact, our friend Judyx5 and Ethan were pointing out a fish in that tank when Jack came into his office from another room and started our meeting.

After Jack had exhausted the subject of how Ethan's anger and resentment regarding the Ralph situation was hurting him a lot more than Ralph. And had offered up a few techniques to deal with the situation it was time for us to take our leave. Apropos of Jack's fish tank, and the little fish swimming around the reef I told Jack that Ethan and I were going to go eat sushi for lunch. I knew, from many of his sermons, that Jack loved sushi as much as E, and this gave the two of them a chance to talk of their love of raw fish, as well as the live ones that swam around the tank in that wonderful office.

Ethan was a different kid when we left Jack's office. He was lighter. It was amazing. Jack's counsel. Suggestions. It wiped away his worry and anxiety regarding Ralph. In fact, Ethan was so taken with the advice, that he practiced some of the techniques Jack had told him to do on the ride to lunch. Then at lunch. Eventually he got me to pose different Ralph scenarios that he could practice Jack's techniques which involved setting boundaries with Ralph, but in a loving and/or kind way. We practiced for days, until finally Monday Monday rolled around and it was go time for the Elder Boy.

Only. It didn't work.

Ethan had a hard time replicating what he practiced in a real time situation at school. Ralph also seems to be oblivious to the loving and or kind boundaries, which I can see, having seen Ralph in action.

We were back to square one the next morning as Ethan and I walked to school with Ruby the dog. For some reason, when we walk to school, Ethan is more open at discussing things like the Ralph situation. By now, I knew that Jack's advice, although good, wasn't going to work for Ethan.

Since I needed something else, and since I'm a dipship, I decided to do the best I could with finding a solution to the Ralph problem.

My solution.

Star Wars.

"E," I said, "You like Star Wars...right?"

"Yeah."

"Who are the main guys in Star Wars. Not your favorite, Boba Fett, but the other main guys?"

"I don't know?"

"Yes you do. Think about it. Who are the main guys, that do all the cool stuff?"

"Oh! Jedi!!!"

"Exactly. And what do they do?"

"Fight!"

"Yes they do, but only when they have to fight. As a last resort, against the bad guys."

"Yeah."

"What about Anakin. What happens to him?"

"He gets burned up?"

"He does, and becomes Darth Vadar. But what causes all of that?"

"Obi-Wan beats him on that volcano planet."

"Yes, but why does Obi-Wan have to fight him?"

"Because he's a bad guy?"

"Yes. But why did he become a bad guy?"

"Oh. The Emperor made him one."

"Yes, the Emperor does play a big part in Anakin becoming Darth Vadar, but the thing that he uses is Anakin's fear and anger. His resentment. He uses all of this to get Anakin to come over to the dark side of the force."

"Yeah. But he becomes a good guy again at the end, on that planet with the furry things."

"Ewoks. Yes, he does. He saves his son, Luke, which in turn saves him."

"Yeah."

"But the thing is Boy, this is kind of like what Pastor Jack talked to us about last week, how anger and resentment hurts you more than the person you are angry or mad at...I know that's hard to understand, but when you feel anger at Ralph, it is hurting you a lot more than him. Does that make sense?"

"It doesn't hurt me! I'll hurt Ralph!!! I'll punch his teeth out! I hate him!!!!!!!"

"Ok. What does Obi-Wan do with Annakin when he's younger and then with Luke? And what does Yoda do with Luke on the swamp planet in The Empire Strikes Back?"

"I don't know?"

"Yes you do."

"Shows them stuff?"

"Yes. He trains them. A lot of that training is using their mind. Jedi mind trick. Did you know you can do that to fight Ralph?"

"I can?"

"Yes you can. You should try it. The next time Ralph makes you really mad I want you to stop thinking about Ralph and what he's doing that is making you so angry and think about something that makes you happy. Something you love. Like sushi. Or Ruby."

"I don't get it."

"The next time you feel yourself getting mad at Ralph, stop thinking about him and think about something you love like Ruby. That's like a Jedi mind trick. If you think about something you love, it is hard to be mad. It makes it hard for Ralph to bother you. Because you're happy. You can do it. You should try it today at school."

"Oh."

"In fact, Ruby is sort of like a Jedi. Did you know that?"

"Really?!?!"

"Yes. What does Ruby do when we walk by Molly's yard? (Molly is a dog. A white german shepherd. Molly's yard backs up against the school. Molly is sweet with children and adults, but hates it when a dog walks past her yard. She seems to especially hate Ruby. Probably as much, if not more, than Ethan hates Ralph.) When Molly comes charging out to the fence and barks at her, growls, shows her teeth. Does all that stuff. What does Ruby do?"

"Nothing."

"Exactly. Ruby just moves to the other side of the sidewalk, away from Molly growling and barking, and ignores her."

"Yeah."

"We can learn a lot from Ruby. She doesn't let Molly upset her, or ruin her walk to school. Molly is the one that is all upset. Making the fuss. Mad. Ruby is fine. Enjoying walking to school with you and me. That's what you should do when Ralph is bugging you. Ignore him. Jedi mind trick."

"Daddy, what does Ruby think about?"

"I don't know? Probably you, or sleeping with you every night."

"Yeah..."

"Or eating Buster's (Buster is a neighbor's cat) shit!"

We were laughing about Ruby eating Buster's shit, which she loves, as we rounded the corner and approached Molly's yard. As usual, Molly came charging up to the fence, snarling, growling, barking and making a huge commotion at Ruby.

Ruby simply moved to the other side of the sidewalk, on the parkway, and continued to enjoy her walk to school. She didn't even look a Molly.

"See, Ruby's a Jedi." I said.

"Yeah. Ruby's a Jedi." Ethan said.

"If Ruby can do it, you can do it too, son. If you try."

"Do you want me to walk you to the door, or stop here?" I said, since we had walked to the drop off point at school.

"Here." Ethan said looking past me, nervously, as if he was embarrassed by my walking him to school. He's getting to the age where he is embarrassed by his parents. Especially me. Go figure!?!?

"Ok. Bye Boy. I love you. Have a good day." I said, not wanting to antagonize him before school.

"Ok. Bye. Dad." he said darting for the door. So fast, in fact, that he didn't say good bye to the dog which I thought was curious until I heard someone shout, "HI MR. TINSLEY!"

It was Ralph.

He had just climbed out of his car. Ethan had seen Ralph as we stood there saying good bye and had wisely made his escape so as to not have to deal with him first thing in the morning.

"Hi Ralph." I said, "What's shaking?"

Nothing. He was standing on the sidewalk, in the way, with a shit eating grin on his face, wrestling with his coat. His backpack and lunch box were strewn about his feet.

"Dude," I said. "Your sleeves are inside out, you're not going to get your coat on like that."

Nothing. That same shit eating grin as he put his coat on backwards, like you would a hospital gown and started walking, backwards, toward the front door of the school.

"Dude," I yelled. "You're forgetting your backpack and lunch on the sidewalk."

Ralph stopped, then started walking forward, to where his backpack and lunch box were at on the sidewalk. He picked them both up, but still kept his coat on backwards.

"Be cool Ralph." I said.

He just laughed, this crazy, yet sweet laugh, as he started walking, albeit backwards, to the front door of the school.

Ruby and I made our way, slowly back toward the house. Slowly because Ruby is famous at the school and pretty much every kid who sees her, wants to come over and say hello. After she had received her fans, and tried to eat an acorn (Ruby likes to eat nuts. Seriously,) I drug her away from the school and back past Molly's yard. Only this time, Molly wasn't waiting in ambush, as usual, for Ruby.

She was at the far end of her yard, wagging her tail, as a boy and mom on their way to school, stopped to give her a treat. We walked right by Molly, and she did nothing but wag her big white tail. Happy and content, for the attention and the treat. Ruby as usual was oblivious. It didn't matter if Molly was happy or mad, Ruby simply doesn't let Molly's mood affect her walk.

Walking home, I thought to myself, maybe Ruby really is a jedi. Or a saint. If a dog can be a saint. I'm not sure. I'm a dipshit. All I could think about was the fact that dog is god backwards. And that I had recently read, "Life's metaphors are God's instructions." Which is when it hit me. Hard.

A week before, in Jack's super bad (in the good way) office with Ethan. Looking at all of his kick-ass stuff. And his tank. The fish in the tank. The one that Judyx5 and Ethan had pointed out to me as Jack walked into the office. The same fish that had made me think about sushi.

That fish.

Was a clown fish.

That fish, Dear Reader, was Marlin.

Until I BLOG again...That's where I belong, and you belong with me.