Ego tripping at the gates of hell.

On Sunday, I was in my office. Office in the Fonzie sense. The bathroom. My Lovely Bride was long gone for morning services at church. Ethan was presiding over his own version of the land before time in the den. Wy, well he was looking for me.

Wy: "Dad-E. R-U?"
Please pardon my hooked on phonics transcription of Wy, as regular readers know, this here BLOG is a chronicle for The Team in the Buck Rogers Future. A remember when then. I type it that way because I want to play Jim Croce and save time in the bottle.

Me: "I'm in here Wy Wy, in the bathroom."

At which point, Wy fiddles around with the knob a few moments before he gets the door open. It is not locked. I gave up on locking the door a long time ago, because there are few things worse than a small child on the other side of a locked bathroom door when you are on the other side trying to take a shit. First, it is annoying. Second, it is hard to get up and unlock the door to get them to stop banging and crying when you are in the middle of said shit. With the door opened, Wy comes strutting into my office. Strutting is the only way to describe this curious happy walk he likes to do when he's in a good mood or excited.

Wy: "What U doin' Daaaaa!"

Mind you I'm sitting on the stool, taking a shit. It is pretty obvious what I'm doing, but the Boy is only 2 1/2 and still poops in his diaper so I state the obvious.

Me: "I'm using the bathroom."

Wy: "U poo poo?"

Me: "Yes. Daddy is pooping."

Wy: "Poo POO YUK-EE!!!!"

I didn't really have a come back for that one, so, I let it pass. Pooping is kind of 'yuk-ee' but it is a fact of life. We all poop. I don't want to freak the Boy out by concuring the 'yuk-ee-ness' of defecation since he's on the edge of potty training. Wy isn't bothered by my lack of response though. He's busy climbing up onto the stool that we have in front of the bathroom sink so the Boy(s) can wash their hands and brush their teeth. Wy is doing neither of these activities though. He's using this higher perch to look down at me with a shit eating grin. I should also add that he is uncomfortably close to me. An arm length. Dig the picture (below). Imagine Wy standing on the stool instead of sitting, and me in place of E.



Not sure what he is up too (I'm actually afraid he might be thinking of jumping off the stool onto me, and well I'm taking a shit,) I decide to ignore him, and go back to the book I'm reading. When Wy had entered the bathroom, I had lowered that book to my lap which had covered up my genitalia. Reading it again, I bring it up closer to my face, and eyes, since I'm not wearing my glasses. This exposes my genitalia to Wy who is still looking at me with his shit eating grin.

Wy: "WOW!"

Me: "What?"

Wy: "DAAA!" In a booming, top of his lungs, excited voice, "'UR ENIS EEL-EE BIG!"
That Dear Readers translates to, DAD! YOUR PENIS IS REALLY BIG!

Full disclosure. My penis isn't that big. I also didn't have what Ethan would call a long penis or a 'election'. Nope it was just my average taking a poop penis. Nothing special. Yet, the Boy was really impressed, which I'm sad to say, gave me a slight ego boost. Well, until I realized he's 2 1/2 and is used to looking at his own penis, which because of his SHITTY Doctor (Dr. Haygood!) isn't really even circumcized. Ego trip over, I decided to again ignore Wy, but in the end that was impossible.

You see Dear Reader, a few seconds later, Wy, leaning over toward me on his stool, tipped it over, and fell onto my 'large' penis, and then rolled off onto the magazine rack that is next to our shitter. Nice.

Until I BLOG again...I was waiting on a moment.