Let me take a long last look, before we say good-bye.

By now you should know three things about me.
1. I have issues with letting go.
2. I have a curious habit of trotting out what I call stock jokes.
3. I am sentimental when it comes to the Boy(s).

Guess what? I struck a psychic trifecta on Thursday, February 24, 2005, in of all places, the parking lot of the Richardson Public Library. Why? I had just finished my last Lapsit with Ethan.

Lapsit? Let me play the part of the clown and trot out my stock joke. I need a set up, so let us pretend you ask me to grab a coke after work on a Thursday night.
Me: I got to get home tonight - I've got Lapsit at seven.
You: Lapsit?
Me: Yes, Lapsit - and contrary to what you might think I'm not going to (insert the name of a gentleman's club - commonly known as a Titty Bar - say Million Dollar Saloon) to be entertained by some stripper named Porsche. I'm taking my Oldest Boy to the library to see Tula the turtle.

Just because I call them stock jokes doesn't necessarily make them funny (just ask Carter.) But, like you, I'm not really laughing at my (bad) joke either. Confession. It is nothing but a cover. Smokey sang it best - ...Although I might be laughing loud and hearty, Deep inside I'm blue. Why am I blue? I had to say good-bye to Tula, and Lapsit. Lapsit?

Lapsit is a wonderful reading program at our library. Lapsit fosters a love of books. But more important, for me at least, is the quality time it gives you with your child. The set-up is pretty simple. The program runs for six consecutive weeks (we went on Thursday nights at 7pm.) Each 30 minute session is presided over by Tula (who is a turtle puppet) and her Mom (the Children's program person at the Library.) They read a handful of children books (which usually follow a theme, like say, farm animals), and there are a few parts where the audience gets to do some participation, but for the most part, they read and your child sits on your lap. Literally. Lapsit. Quick, reread my stock joke. Is it funnier now?

Last Fall, Ethan and I did our first Lapsit tour. We loved it. So much so that we were eager for Winter Lapsit. Only problem, Ethan turned 3 on January 17, a few days before the Winter Lapsit started. 3 is the age cut-off for Lapsit. Since Ethan was on the cusp, we (me and my Bride) felt he wasn't quite ready to graduate to Storytime (more on that in a minute.) Carter spoke to Tula's Mom about Ethan (and me) doing another tour of Lapsit, and she said Coolio (she didn't actually say coolio, that's my jive ass lingo - but we got the OK.)

This tour ended February 24. When the reading program starts again this Summer, Ethan will move on to Storytime. Storytime is another children reading program at our library. It is for older kids, age range is 3 to 7. Lasts longer. To be honest, I'm not sure if Tula is a part of Storytime, the only thing I'm certain is that I'm not. Parents aren't allowed. Alas, Ethan will continue his reading journey without me, or my lap.

This was stewing in my head as Ethan and I left the library, walking hand in hand through the parking lot to our car. As silly as it may seem (trust me, If I was reading this here BLOG, I'd probably call me, a wuss or something far worse) I had a mental flash of all the times I'm going to have to go through this with Ethan and Wyatt - God willing - because that is the way it is supposed to be. The Boy(s) will grow, move on, graduate, and live their lives, and probably more than I will want or like, this process will include leaving me (and their Mom) behind as they move forward. I know that is the way life works, I just never realized it would be so hard - that is - until I had to say good-bye to a damn turtle named Tula.

The funny thing about Lapsit, in light of how hard of a time I'm having letting it go, I would have never gone, if not for My Lovely Bride. Carter is a big believer in education, books, reading, etc. She mentioned the program to me, and sold is as such: that it would be a good thing to do with Ethan. At the time of our first tour, Ethan was still struggling with his Big Brother status, at no longer being the one and only at Casa Tinsley. The Little Warrior had made a big impression at our house and things were different. I was still adjusting to married with children status myself. At first I thought Carter might want Ethan and I out of the house on Thursday nights for personal reasons. As in quiet time for her. But, having been married long enough, I knew to keep my mouth shut, and instead wasted my mental energy on obsessing about the logistics of Lapsit. How would I get home, eat dinner, change my clothes and get both of us to the library by 7pm. Not to mention that it was Must See Thursday. Hell, I had to TIVO Survivor!

Typical, I couldn't see the forest for the trees. To my credit, I did enjoy Lapsit from the get-go and never looked at it as a chore, something I had to do. We never skipped, or missed a session. But still, until I made that final walk, I never realized what a great gift Carter had given me (and Ethan.) It wasn't about quiet time for her on Thursday nights. She wanted us to do it because she knew we needed it. That E needed some extra special time with his Dad, and that I might need some time too, and a simple little thing like Lapsit could be the remedy to slow me down and get me in the now.

I know that Ethan and I will have other special Dad and Lad things in the future. That he's only "3" - still I'm sad that Lapsit is over. For me and E at least. I'm pleased to say, since Letting Go is so hard for me, that I don't have to go cold turkey. I plan to take Wyattt to Lapsit after he turns 18 months.

Until I BLOG again...Good-Bye (for now) Tula.